Thank you for all of your kind words last week... they really touched me! I have become so numb to so many of the trials and tribulations of my kids at school, but this death hit me very hard. I just wasn't expecting it and I had just seen him... I don't know. I know that I don't have to explain my emotions or my grief... so I guess I will stop trying!

I thought that this would be a good opportunity to tell you more about my job. You all know that I work in education... specifically I work at a high school that takes kids up to age 22 that want to earn their high school diploma (instead of their GED). Many of them have been kicked out of the less than awesome city school district.... or they have had children... or been in jail... or been in foster care... or been homeless... really any number of awful situations that probably would have made me curl up in a ball and give up at that age. It's a challenge on a daily basis. You hear amazing stories that make you want to cry everyday. There are kids in gangs, kids who sell drugs, kids who have been locked up for terrible things... it's not your every day high school. Most of my kids have experienced more in their short lives than most of us (hopefully) will experience in a life time. It's really unbelievable.

Why do I work here you ask? I like the challenge. I like the feeling that I am helping kids that will not get help other places. Every year, I consider trying to move out to a suburban school... and I get sort of scared that I would get bored. At my current job, the money sucks, it's draining... but I LOVE IT. The idea of sitting at a desk all day typing letters of recommendation or filling out college applications does not thrill me. I know that kids in those schools need help too, and often even more so because their problems aren't discussed as openly... but I'm still not ready to make the move out of my inner-city, very urban, crazy setting!

So that's a little bit about my job - I welcome questions! Hope that you all had a great Monday :)

A Heartbreaking Day.

When I arrived at work this morning, a colleague of mine immediately came into my office and said "Did you hear about Tom*?" He then told me that Tom was murdered last night. I immediately teared up and sat at my desk in silence for about 5 minutes.

Tom was a kid that came to school high a lot. His mom was in jail. His attendance was spotty. But gosh darn it, he was LIKABLE. He was always smiling. He was polite to me. Now I know he smarted off and cussed at other teachers sometimes... I know he disappeared for days at a time... I know that he smoked a lot of pot and would sometimes come in blown out of his mind... he was not a saint. Generally though, he was a good kid that was TRYING. He was attempting to rise above his circumstances. He was always smiling.

He waited until the very last minute to finish a couple of math classes. He showed up to graduation practice on the phone and to the actual ceremony right before it started. He did finish though. And he did show up. When I announced his name, hugged him, and told him congratulations, his smile was so infectious. He had done it. He GRADUATED.

I saw him a few weeks ago. He came in to say hi and grab a copy of his transcript. He talked to one of the teachers about applying to community college. He also asked our social worker "What do I do now?"

This morning around 1AM, he was shot to death in his car. The police have said that it wasn't a drug deal and wasn't a robbery. I don't think it was a gang thing (we usually have a pretty good sense of what kids are involved in those things). It sounds like being in the wrong place at the wrong time or hanging out with the wrong crowd. Even with that high school diploma, the neighborhood still got to him.

I cried a lot today. I cried with colleagues that I have never seen shed a tear. I talked to other colleagues that were sad about the situation, but didn't really have strong feelings about it. Grief manifests differently for everyone I guess.

At the end of the day, I am just so sad. I keep picturing his smile and how happy he was at graduation. He had done something and he couldn't wait to tell his mom about it. 6 months after he climbed the mountain, he has a chest full of bullets and is lying in the morgue. WHY???

I have no answers. All I can say is that I am heartbroken.

*name has been changed

For the love of our pets

NY TIMES: Forget Car Insurance, Does It Have Medicare?

This article really touched me! It reminded me of all that Significant Other and I have been through with Smartest Cat Ever. Oh, what we do for our pets :)